Taste and see that the Lord is good...
I had to be prepared, working with as much efficiency as I could. Bed-time was no longer for peaceful slumber but instead survival. I carefully lined up 4 prepped bottles, ready for water and a thorough shaking when the time arrived. Milk (formula) was the need of the hour! And for my malnourished Samuel that hour came often, every 2, 2 1/2 hours, to be precise. His frail, sick body depended desperately upon the contents of the bottle. And as he began to understand that someone was consistently present to make sure the wholesome goodness of the bottle made it's ways into his tiny tummy, he was not hesitant in making his desire for it known. He was hungry!
Eight months have passed since the hard but precious time I spent caring for Samuel in Ethiopia. It seems like a different lifetime, mostly because it seems as if I have two different children. Samuel who once was frail, swollen, with his frame clearly exposed, is now strong, solid, or as his daddy lovingly puts it, "beastly". His diet of solely milk has now expanded, and he, with joyful intensity consumes solid food. The complexity of solid food makes his feet wiggle, his hands excitedly clap, and his face humorously distort. He is still hungry, but for more... more then milk!
As quickly as bottles were brought into action they also have been put to rest. My Momma heart aches knowing an intimate season with my boy and his bottle has passed. But with the ache, joy is also present... joy, because as I write this there is a plump picture of health "sorting" the tupperware drawer. Samuel is growing, and growth is good! He is unto sippy cups, raspberry stained hands, and curly black hair garnished with cracker crumbs!
I am beyond words when I consider the physical transformation of my Little Bean. His transformation stirs much within me. I am amazed. I am humbled. I am exposed. His physical, outward condition addresses, and pierces, my spiritual, inward condition, causing me to consider the state of my own soul. Is my soul starving, fragile, vulnerable to harm or growing, being strengthened through nourishment? Is my soul well fed?
Samuel needed milk, and now solid food, to survive and thrive, and I desperately need the same! 1 Peter 2:2 says, "Like newborn infants long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." And in 1 Corinthians 3 and Hebrews 5 we learn soul health is not left to living simply a milk-fed life, but with growth comes a need and longing for the nutrients of solid food. And what is this milk; this solid food? The precious, life-giving Word of God! Just as Samuel now relies upon solid food for life and well-being, my soul's health depends on the nourishment of God's Word.
At first, it was a challenge to get Samuel the nutrients he needed. And now, not so much! I would love to say my intake of God's Word resembles my son's eager intake of solid food. But I find my life is more true to that of Samuel's early months. Everyday is a battle, a fight to get into the Word, to rest in the Word, and to apply the Word! I am up against dirty diapers, persistent cries for "Momma", and an army crawl that is close to breaking the sound barrier. But more then that I am up against myself! I have a great propensity to chose false and fading nutrients. Jeremiah 2:13 says, "for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cistern that can hold no water." False and fading nutrients are broken cisterns that don't hold up. They lead to a starved and empty soul. Housework, my hubby, my boy, Facebook, friendships, sewing projects, adoption efforts, TV shows, blogs, do not feed my soul! Many of them are good. They are oh, so good! But God did not create them to feed, sustain, and nourish my heart. He created lasting food, living water... the Living Word to feed my soul!
My only hope to battle false nourishment, is the Word, the Gospel! Miton Vincent in the Gospel Primer writes "The gospel is so foolish (according to my natural wisdom), so scandalous (according to my conscience), and so incredible (according to my timid heart), that it is a daily battle to believe the full scope of it as I should. There is simply no other way to compete with the forebodings of my conscience, the condemnings of my heart, and the lies of the world and the Devil than to overwhelm such things with daily rehearsings of the gospel." The less milk and sustenance Samuel received in his early months, the more he struggled to feed. He would forget how to suck and he would vomit whole bottles. The more I am away from the Word, the more the world creeps in, and I forget how to receive what God designed for my good. As Mr. Vincent writes and reminds me, I need the Word because I need to be reminded of the Gospel daily! Without truth seeping into the fibers of my soul I am vulnerable to becoming "like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6). I have no bearings! A friend makes an unkind remark or speaks in an unthoughtful tone. I am tossed! My child wants his daddy and not me (this week). I am tossed! We receive an unanticipated bill in the mail. I am tossed! An unexpected turn in our adoption process. I am tossed! One phone call or text changes the whole structure of my day or week. I am tossed! God's Word establishes my heart, making it sea-worthy. So when life happens, whether it be in little or big ways, I can stand firm - thinking, acting, speaking with wisdom and in truth.
It's hard to be in God's Word, and even harder to live it (which is a whole different topic and challenge for me). But I have too! Samuel didn't know that blueberry's rock, that pickles are sour, yet yummy, or that one bite of ice cream is wondrously amazing. He had to taste! And I will not know the strength, grace, hope, wisdom, or love of God until I have spent time in His Word; until I have tasted!
Some of us are living Samuel's early days. And because of neglect of the Word, we have forgotten how to taste and receive nourishment. We are inwardly starving. We are empty and every wave of the sea is leaving us ship-wrecked and devastated.
Some of us living on milk. Enjoying the nourishment of the Word. This can be such a beautiful season of learning and growing. I've sat with many college women watching them receive their first sips, and it is glorious! But Samuel's growth ultimately is not sustained by milk and nor is ours. Their is a season for milk, and their is a season for solid food, and some of us have taken sips for far to long - drinking when we want, and failing to receive our "fill" of nutrients. We have not moved unto solid food because we are living for broken cisterns, for false nutrients. Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:2-3 says, "I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not ready, for you are still of the flesh...".
Some of us are fighting for, and tasting solid food. Samuel is learning bits of sign language. If you spent a few minutes at our supper table, you would quickly see he has one sign down pat, "MORE!". As he tastes solid food, and experiences different and surprising flavors, he wants more! Some of us also want more! We want to digest and absorb the goodness of the Word. We want it to overcome us, to transform us! We get up early or go to bed late. We turn off that TV show or sign-off Facebook. We remove the pile of unfolded clothes from the bed and dump it in a basket for another day. We turn the phone on silent. We let the baby cry for just five more minutes, because we know he will do a happy dance regardless of when we enter his room. We battle for nourishment!
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