A New Pace

Falling asleep quickly has rarely been true of me, or that is until Samuel entered my life.  My new normal is "out-cold" in under 2 minutes!  But occasionally the days of old will present themselves, and I'll find myself awake as the rest of the house slumbers.  If I listen closely, a sweet music fills the air, not two but one perfectly synchronized "inhale" and "exhale" sounds forth.  My beloved men, both big and little, breath in steady unison.

Becoming a mother has altered the whole of my world.  I feel like I have been sent down from the Big Leagues, and not just to the Minors, but all the way back to Little League... I feel like I am learning life all over again.  Whatever was true for me, for our family, just months ago, now seems so radically different.  Everything is new and unknown.  And with the unknown comes a host of questions.  One question that has particularly been on my mind is related to my time/commitments, "What pace do I live life at with Samuel?".  For a number of years, Quintin and I have governed what we do and when we want to do it.  Our (my) calendar has been nothing short of full or at times over-flowing.  A sprint or brisk walk, has often characterized the pace of my life.

So what happens when a traumatized 4 month-old enters your life?  What pace do you move forward at?  I desired answers.  I sought different sources for guidance, all which or whom proved to be helpful, but in the end the most pointed answer came from God's Word (as it should).

"Then [Esau] said, Let us get started on our journey,  and I will go before you.  But Jacob replied, You know, my lord, that the children are tender and delicate and need gentle care, and flocks and herds with young are of concern to me; for if the men should overdrive them for a single day, the whole of the flocks would die.  Let my lord, I pray you, pass over before his servant; and I will lead on slowly, governed by [consideration for] the livestock that set the pace before me and the endurance of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir."  Genesis 33:12-14

My pace no longer is to be based on self (I'm not sure it was ever suppose to be), but instead, based on the pace of Samuel.  This was my answer... Samuel is tender and delicate and need of gentle care, and my pace ought be governed by his pace and endurance.  Just like in the still of the night when that sweet synchronized sound fills the air; father and son, breathing in-and-out as one - this was the picture, the answer, God had (has) given me.  Samuel is my new pace.

Oh, Lord let this be true of my now.  Teach me to walk, or crawl, or sit still... to be okay with slow that I might not hinder Samuel's well-being.  May another type of music come forth within our home as I learn to lead on in step with my precious Little Lamb.