The Greater Celebration

This past week Q and I had our second fingerprinting appointment with U.S. Immigration. Our first appointment was in October of 2010 - "Small Celebrations". The appointment although quite short was quite important, as it will hopefully produce official papers granting us permission to adopt a child or children from Ethiopia.

As I read my "Small Celebrations" post the reality hit me that much of my excitement has subsided and has been replaced with weariness. I was once told that adoption is not for the weary hearted. Well, I am still adopting, and if I am honest, often the only words I can think to describe how I feel is weary hearted. Recently, a new turn of events, has only added to these emotions. Although, I can not divulge too much information for privacy reasons, Q and I found out that our adoption will likely take another good length of time. And if you noticed the phrase I used above "child or children" - that is correct. At this point we are very uncertain how many we will be bringing home, it may be a sibling group or it may be a child.

This turn of events has taken a little time to process. I was at first sad and then to put it simply, mad. This may be a little gross, but it's as if a seemingly insignificant scab was removed that poured forth an unexpected amount of blood. This adoption process has uncovered sin and struggle in my life, but for some reason this turn has exposed far more of my heart than I anticipated.

I have spent the last few days processing through these exposed areas of my heart. And as I have done so, the Lord has been teaching me to yield to Him, and slowly restoring areas of dwindling desire. Today our pastor spoke on the cost of being a disciple, which was personally fitting and deeply challenging. His sermon centered around 3 questions but one in particular stood out to me, "Is Jesus more precious to you than your plans for your life?" What a timely question. I had just shared with Q that I feel like the adoption process is far more about surrendering ourselves and our plans to God then it is about the adoption. I am so prone to exalt the adoption, and the thought of being a parent or being "normal", above the Lord. I am truly in awe of how sweet and patient the Lord has been with me. He is using what I often sinfully see as more precious then Him, the adoption, to indeed teach me of His infinitely greater preciousness and glory! Maybe that should be the greater celebration!